Seven Words to Change Your Family
From the teachings of James MacDonald
What we really want for our families is change. More of God's agenda and less of ours. Real love and peace and health in our families. So how do we do that? There are seven biblical words that, when understood and applied, will transform your family.
#1 FORGIVENESS
Why is is so hard to forgive the ones closest to us? Jesus has a lot to say on this subject. In Mark 11:25 And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Luke 6:37 “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;" In the Lords Prayer He taught us to pray for forgiveness as we forgive others. Over and over the scripture tells us that is how we are forgiven. Are you all about forgiveness? There are countless people that have been wounded and hurt by things that have been said and done by others. No matter who it came from, the fallout from forgiveness is seen in the family. Anger and heartache that is in the family today is due to not forgiving. There are two points here, when families do forgive and when families don't forgive. Forgiveness is a decision to release a person from the obligation that resulted when they injured you. If you have a problem you can first let it go. If that doesn't work, then go work it out with that person.
What if the person does it again and again? Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. The point is is limitless. We should not be keeping count. Verse 23 continues "Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. One talent is worth a weeks work. So ten thousand was more than we can make in a lifetime. 25 But
as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with
his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. 28 “But
that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him
a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down at his feet[d] and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’[e] 30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. 31 So
when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very
grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ 34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. 35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” There are several points under this parable. Number one, notice that the rationalizations that are used are just foolish. It's so clear that others must forgive but often it's not as clear in our own life.
5 Common Rationalizations
The hurt is too big. That doesn't make any sense. The bigger the thing is, the more you should want to get rid of it.
Time will heal it. Time will heal nothing. Once someone pokes that place of unforgiveness it will hurt again.
I'm going to forgive when they say they're sorry. They are not coming. Here's the other thing, what if they have shown up? I'm so thankful that I had forgiven them that I don't know if I would be in the right state of mind if I didn't. That's a rationalization.
I can't forget. You will never forget until you forgive. It's a process of setting it aside and it's a choice that begins the process of rationalization.
If I forgive, they will just do it again. Face up to it and be done with the dumb rationalizations. Don't shatter the relationship completely. If you are harboring the things that need to be forgiven, you are so focused on the pain that people will not want to be around you. Maybe your unforgiveness to one person in your family is fracturing your relationship with another person in your family.
God forgives us of all the the things we have done, so we can forgive others for the small amount of things they do. The desire to see pain in another and see them feel what we felt fuels a heart of unforgiveness. You might associate forgiveness with church and sermons, but research has shown that forgiveness improves physical and emotional health. It has direct and indirect effects on the body and mind. When people forgive they replace negative feelings with sympathy and love. These positive emotions reduce hostility and stress which in turn reduces heart problems and boosts the immune system. Forgiving people are more stable and have more romantic and platonic relationships. Forgiving people are often happier and less likely to be depressed and have anxiety. The Stanford Forgiveness Project said, " We have come across very few people who understand how forgiveness works." This shouldn't surprise anyone. Choose to sin, choose to suffer. When God says to forgive, do yourself a favor.
Stay tuned for the next helpful word to change your family.
